Finding Sustainability

 I've been delaying writing this piece because I'm still digesting the series of events that led us to this point. So, here I am facing the music...even if it pains me still. I won't go into details but will just state what I need to in order for my blog to have some linear truth.

In exactly 7 days, Santi and I will be flying back home to join my husband in the urban jungle I've known my whole life...Manila. (GASP)

Hello again, Metro Manila.

 Yes, we've come to realize that our dreams of living in this paradise should be put on hold for the moment. WHY? Because we found ourselves not being sustainable in a sustainable place. Does that make sense?

I'm going to miss these looking out to these trees

 More than a year ago, in February of 2010, my family and I had the guts to move to Palawan to live our dream.



I wrote about the big leap here. We had concrete PLANS, of course. Well, at least we thought they were fool-proof enough. Until _____ hits the fan. And we felt like poor pawns in a chessboard, running out of moves.

Endless thoughts sound like this... Was it an immature and impulsive move? Did we play our cards wrong? My husband and I can go on and on and on...and we'd still be at the same point right now.

But I do believe that things happen for a reason. And slowly, I am trying to trust the greater scheme of things the universe has planned for my family. Maybe one day, we'll be back to fulfill the dream...a sustainable one :)

Family photo taken at the time of our farm land acquisition circa Dec 2010

An Open Letter to My Son

Santi plays with a next door neighbor under a Mango Tree

 My dear little Santiago,

A few days ago it broke my heart to hear you say that you didn't want to go back to Manila, that you wanted to live in the farm and spend Christmas here with Mommy and Daddy. At the moment, there are things that we cannot explain to you but one day you will understand why we left your favorite place, this farm which you have learned to love and call home. Remember that home is not just a place, but a feeling in your heart when you are complete. I promise that we will be back someday.


Love Always,
Mommy (& Daddy!)

I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it's not some place you can look for, 'cause it's not where you go. It's how you feel for a moment in your life when you're a part of something, and if you find that moment... it lasts forever...