Monday, August 06, 2007

Santi's High Needs

After reading this and this I was finally relieved! *sigh*

Santi meets 12 out of the 12 signs of high need babies by Dr. Sears! Wow! I see early signs of perfectionism here! hehe

I sure felt better about my precious baby and myself! So many of the baby books I've read lowered my maternal self-esteem. They just didn't help me understand Santi. I kept comparing him to other 'angel' babies. Why was he so different from them? Why did he cry so much more? nurse almost all day long? Sleep so lightly? At one point I even questioned God - asking why he gave me such a fussy baby? Eek! Can you imagine I said that?! How awful of me! I take it back! I loooooooove him sooooo much!

I also came to realize that I am not alone! My friend L (who named her lovely daughter after me!) also has a fussy / high need baby. I can just imagine all those other clueless first-time mums feeling so lost (and hurt !).

There just isn't enough information (and research?) out there for mums with high need babies. For instance, the books I've read (I've read tons) did not tackle my baby's unique personality at all.

I keep reading that it's probably my fault why:
  • Santi doesn't nap well during the day or sleep through the night
  • or why he won't ride his stroller
  • or why he fusses during feeds / in between feeds
The books would reason that:
  • The parents (meaning me, my fault!) trained him to expect the rocking, bouncing or shhhshing to sleep.
  • Again, it's probably because I trained him to prefer the sling than the stroller...that babies are creatures of habit and pwede silang masanay with anything. Yes, I can almost hear my mum and MIL in saying "sinanay mo kase siya sa karga" :P If I hear that one more time I will explode! (So, yeah just in case M reads this -- don't you EVER say that to me or I will snap at you.)
  • Colic is always the culprit for extremely fussy babies -- yeah colic with no real definition?! and no real cure?! - ano ba yan!
So, thank you Dr. Sears. I now know that my baby isn't really a 'berat boy' (as my mum would always say). He just has high needs! It's totally normal... coming from a wannabe high maintenance mum! For sure he'll grow up to be fabulous. I just know it ;)

5 comments:

donna said...

i can understand. i used to think anica was high need because she did have all the characteristics (according to dr. sears). but i've noticed that she's changed much and is relatively an easy, undemanding, unfussy toddler. hang in there, there's hope =).

dharmadreams said...

Oh yes there is hope!

i find it strange that im a sahm with a high need baby. i can't imagine how he would be if i wasn't home-based, breastfeesing,co-sleeping and slingin'?!

donna said...

forgot to add, just let those comments enter one ear and out of the other. they mean well, but i understand how frustrating it can get when you're doing your best then you hear comments that are not helpful at all.

By NATURE said...

you go, girl! just keep in mind that NO BABY is exactly alike. those books are just for guidance. sometimes their tips are "swak na swak" and sometimes they sound too good too be true or "easier said than done." our second baby seems more demanding than our first, but we adjust to their differences. anyway, don't worry, santi will be sleeping longer hours soon and he'll be less fussy. if not, then he just really knows what he wants :).

By NATURE said...

you go, girl! just keep in mind that NO BABY is exactly alike. those books are just for guidance. sometimes their tips are "swak na swak" and sometimes they sound too good too be true or "easier said than done." our second baby seems more demanding than our first, but we adjust to their differences. anyway, don't worry, santi will be sleeping longer hours soon and he'll be less fussy. if not, then he just really knows what he wants :).

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