I give and I give and I give and he takes and takes and takes...more than I can handle.
Mummy is going through a burn out. I believe so because I already have evil scenes of me accidentally hitting his head or him falling out the window. This is scaring me because I think I'm going a little cuckoo. I know I love him and will never do anything to hurt him but why are those bad thoughts entering my head?
I mentioned that it takes at least 30 minutes for Santi to nap/sleep. Last night it took him 3 hours to sleep. From 6:00 to 9:00pm I was slinging and nursing and rocking. He'd fall asleep but if I tried putting him down he'd wake up and I'd have to do 'the works' all over again. Again, it took me the whole day today just to get him to nap. Even when asleep, he will not unlatch.
How can I enjoy his company when I'm dead tired and more concerned about him getting his rest? How much longer can I take? Does it get better? It seems to get harder each day. I am exhausted, sad and mad. Exhaustion from round-the-clock nursing, sleep deprivation, slinging and rocking. I am sad and mad because I sometimes question WHY ME? there are so many less dedicated mums out there with non-high need babies. What did I do to deserve this? I really feel like I'm being punished or tested.
My baby is thriving, I am not.
I know that this shall pass but a day can sure feel like an eternity with a high need baby. :_(